The #DeeList: Top 5 Best Ways to Make Money

Anyone can get a job, but why do that when there are a million ways to make money without one? Here are a few:

5. Start a Pyramid Scheme

Source: RobinOlimb / Getty

You’ve heard about them. All you have to do is put in $40 and you’re magically rich! Then get 3 people to put in $40 and you get a cut of that, and they get 3 more people, blah blah. It’ll work for a while, which is great! And when the brokest one on the pyramid gets angry and kills you, the family can pay for a really nice funeral.

4. Sell Drugs

Source: ALFREDO ESTRELLA / Getty

You’ll be just like all the rappers, selling poison to your community “just trying to make some money so you can feed your daughter,” and make a killing! Literally. And since you’re rich now, you can afford to pay for rehab when your little sister gets hooked on the drugs her favorite rapper talks about you selling.

3. Steal It

Source: NewsOne Now Screenshots / Ohio ACLU

Listen to big or go home. Rob a bank, rob a Brinks truck! Steal millions of dollars and be all over the news. At least when you get caught and sentenced to life in prison, you’ll have some great stories to tell.

2. Sell Ass

Source: NurPhoto / Getty

You can not only make fun of women for “having sex for free,” as if sex is supposed to be on sale like Christmas decor in January, but you can buy purses, cars, take trips, and pay for all your std medication.

1. Become a Pastor

Source: NBC / Getty

This is the beat job ever, because you won’t have a job! If you build up your flock, that 10% for tithes, offerings, and your Bentley is gonna look real nice! So preach God’s words, take these people’s money…and you’ll be able to afford a real nice mini fan in Hell.